Sometimes Saying No is the Way to Go

Recently, I wrote the book, How to Say Yes When Your Mind is Telling You No. And I am here to clarify something…

Saying yes to your creative desires, to whatever may be calling you, is a totally different thing than ignoring your intuition and the signals you receive within your body. There's a yes that comes from being in the flow. The kind that’s inspired by an inner knowing, that feels right (even when it may bring up fear). On the other hand, there’s another yes, one that is forced. It is driven by a desire to make something happen, even when everything around you (and inside you) is saying no… “don’t go there” or “don’t do this”, “not now”. This is a false yes, and it usually backfires.

Think about the effort it would take to push a boulder, to nudge it or move it at all. (Not even up a hill!) It’s the act of trying to will it forward, when there’s no momentum supporting any movement. Without any organic flow, you’d be using more force to get minimal or no results.

When your efforts feel forced, you might ask yourself: “Am I listening to my internal messages, or am I choosing to ignore what my intuition is telling me?”

There’s a lesson I’ve learned from painting:

Imagine being immersed in the joy of the painting process. The experience of developing the canvas is lighting you up. It feels like it's all coming together. And then suddenly there’s a moment when it seems as if the flow has stopped. An area you loved just minutes ago starts to look off. It doesn’t feel right anymore.

What I've learned to do in these moments is to STOP!

Because in trying to bring it back to where it was, forcing it can easily make it worse. Something inside knows it is time to step away, to leave it alone.

It's quite remarkable how consistently, coming back to that same canvas the next day, or sometimes a week later, how much easier it is to see the work completely differently. With fresh eyes, and taking a time out, the painting now has possibilities and a new direction can be seen.

So, a no can be signaling a pause, a time to examine your options, including any new direction you might take moving forward... instead of forcing a yes.

Then there are those NO’s that you wouldn’t choose on your own. They show up through external forces blocking your way.

My husband experienced the gifts of a no when hoping for a yes. He'd been in a job for a while, one where he was valued, respected, and supported, Even so, he was looking to move on. He had been interviewing for other positions and just missed out on a job he was hoping for. As you might suspect, he was disappointed. But soon after, an unexpected family situation arose which demanded his time and attention. The job he didn’t get would have made it too difficult to manage this situation while working in a new position. Yet, the company at his current job, with the history and trust he had earned, made it possible. Not getting that job was a gift. He was definitely being taken care of. The events unfolded in a flow that was best for him and the family.

When trying to force a yes in the face of difficult circumstances, consider your next steps. Rather than pushing against the current, tune in, pause, and be open to seeing the gifts in a no.

Sometimes the NO is the way to go.